


The Forbidden Ones

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kid Fic, Original Character Death(s), Romance, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:34:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9121693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Castiel left the Winchesters. Heaven had expelled him and in all honesty, the Winchester's did not need him. But he needed to find himself and discover where he truly belonged in this world. Unfortunately, finding out who you are can be a deadly game when you are an angel trying to fit into the human world.





	1. I have Chosen Myself

Castiel no longer knew where his place was in life. He was an angel that Heaven no longer wanted and the Winchester’s no longer needed. They would tell him that they needed him but it was only for their own gain. They needed Castiel when it was convenient for them. They needed healing, the needed answers, they needed him to obtain something for them. It was never just them needing him to be around because they needed him as a friend. At least, that is how Castiel saw it.

            Though it pained him greatly, Castiel took the information he assumed to be true and made a decision about himself. He was going to venture out into the world and figure out where he belonged. He was going to find something for himself, outside of Heaven and the Winchesters. Who is Castiel? Where does he belong?

            Dean and Sam tried to stop him from leaving. Castiel was slightly happy about this, because in a way, it showed that they do care for him, even if it is in their own way. But he needed to do this. He needed to find his own way in life. He was not going to be gone forever, but since nothing major was taking place, he felt he had the time to take and he deserved it.

            “You have to let me go,” Castiel told Dean, placing his hand on his shoulder. “You will do just fine without me.”

            “I hope you are right,” Dean whispered in the moments that Castiel disappeared. Castiel’s heart hurt at the words but he knew it was for the best. This was for the best, right?

            He could not turn back, as much as Castiel had dedicated his life to the Winchesters, he could not turn back now. They would expect him to come running whenever they called, which they continued to do, over and over again. But this time he could not answer. He had to learn how to live without them, just as much as they had to learn to live without him. Their need to rely on each other has brought about some good, but it has also brought about a lot of bad as well.

            Eventually, Castiel was able to block out their calls, or maybe, they just stopped calling for him. The sorrow he felt in his heart was deep but also, there was a great weight lifted off of his shoulders. There was no crisis. The entire world was not as dark as it had seemed when he was fighting the forces of evil. He was finally able to see the world again for all of its beauty.

            Castiel travelled all over the world. He stood atop the pyramids in Egypt, ran with the bulls in Spain, ate many foods from where they originated. Watched people fall in love in the cities of romance, knowing all too well that it would not stay that romantic once they left, but admired the beauty in it anyways. Occasionally, he would come across things of a different nature, and though he knew that he should do his part to stop it, he would simply walk away. This was no longer his battle. He was no longer a warrior. He was just an onlooker to the ways of human life.

            With all the things, he had seen, his favorite was admiring the talent of humans. He went to poetry readings and dance clubs. But his favorite were the ones who sung in the dark. Clubs with few souls watching one single soul show all that they were. Their words and the ways they saw life were truly beautiful. Some saw the world as a dark place and other saw the world as a beautiful gift that was given to them. Some would overcome struggles and some were losing the battle. Billions of people on this earth and now one story the same. How could you get any more beautiful than that?

            This is when he found it. The most beautiful thing he had ever witnessed and surprising to him, it was a human. He had stumbled upon her in a night club she was performing at in the city of New York. The city was vast, too big for any one person, yet she seemed to be the light that shown through. He could see her soul and it was bright. The only other soul he had been able to see this brightly was Dean, the righteous man, so what did this say about her? One girl, trying to hide in the dark but failing. She had to be something amazing.

            Castiel would normally only stay in one place for a day or so, but this time he could not bring himself to leave. Every night he would return to “The Hollow,” a dim lit nightclub for the hidden artistic talents of New York. It was a place of beauty and also, from what he was told, the drinks were cheap. But he returned for her, the hopes that he would get to see her again. And no matter how long he had to wait for her, he was going to wait. Luckily for him, he did not have to wait long.

            “Ladies and gentlemen,” Greg, the manager of the nightclub ran up on stage and began to speak into the microphone. “Welcome back, one of our favorites, Piper Graham.”

            There she was. The entire time he had been here, he was waiting for her. He did not know her name but it was Piper. Piper seemed to fit her perfectly. If he was to think about the story of the Pied Piper, she would fit that bill. She would sing her words and the entire audience was drawn into her. He could see them following her into the shadows, if that is where she chose to lead them. He would follow her …


	2. I Will Follow You Into the Dark

            “Tonight I am going to sing a song that I find truly beautiful,” Piper told the crowd. “Lately I have been having trouble writing, so I decided to pay tribute to one of my favorites.”

 

_Love of mine_

_Someday you will die_

_But I'll be close behind_

_I'll follow you into the dark_

 

Castiel smiled at the beauty of the words. It was not a song that he knew, but he could tell that it was a powerful one. Now to be coming from the very powerful voice of Piper, he knew that he was lucky to be hearing it. He also found it beyond coincidence that she was singing about following someone into dark. That was a better way of describing what he had felt toward her.

 

_No blinding light_

_Or tunnels, to gates of white_

_Just our hands clasped so tight_

_Waiting for the hint of a spark_

 

_If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

 

            Castiel had a moment; one that he had heard about in stories over the years. He was not one hundred percent about all things but he did read from time to time or enjoy a movie. But he had read about those scenes where everything around someone would disappear and it was as if the entire world revolved around the two main characters of the story. Everything else would fade to black. It seemed rather improbable, until now. Now, Castiel knew exactly what the authors of these stories were trying to say. He was fully aware that there were other people in the room, but not a single ounce of him cared. All he cared about was the girl singing in front of him.

 

_If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_I'll follow you into the dark_

 

            Castiel was not sure how it happened, but as she finished her song, he was brought to his feet, applauding her. Other’s clapped from their tables but he could not bring himself to sit back down, she deserved so much more than his standing ovation. She was truly amazing.

            Piper sang a few more songs, older ones that she had written. Each was powerful in their own way. They made him feel like he knew her, like they had known each other forever. Though human, she seemed so much like him. Broken home, no mother and a dead beat father, siblings who were out for themselves in the end. She was the perfect representation of him.

            Once she was done, someone else was brought to the stage to grace the room with their music, but Castiel could not seem to focus. He could only think about Piper and how her songs had made him feel. So when he saw her walk into the main area of the club, he knew that he needed to talk to her. He could not let her leave without telling her that he admired her work. However, he was still not the best at talking to people, so the chances of it going badly were in his favor.

            “Excuse me,” he spoke behind her. She was facing the bar, waiting for the attention of the bartender it appeared.

            “I am not going to sleep with you,” she responded to him, not even bothering to look at him. “Sorry pal.”

            “I was not looking to, uh, sleep with you,” Castiel stuttered over his words. This had reached far beyond his depth. He almost wished in that moment that Dean was there. He was much smoother at talking to ladies, he would know how to help. “I just wanted to tell you that you have a very captivating voice. I have heard so many through my lifetime and none seem to shine in comparison.”

            Piper seemed to hesitate in front of him for a moment and this worried Castiel. He knew that he was good at getting into people’s personal space and making them uncomfortable. This was never his intention; he was just never really clear on the proper ways to do things. As much as he interacted with humans and having been without his grace multiple times, he still was not sure of the proper ways in which to behave. The rules changed ever so quickly that it was impossible to catch on.

            “Look,” Piper finally turned around and Castiel was able to see her clearly. He had amazing vision but the dim light on stage did not do her justice. Up close, she was truly a vision. Castiel did not look at people for whether they were attractive or not in a human way. This was not about whether she was skinny or had pretty eyes, which her deep blue eyes appeared to be rather beautiful, this was about her soul. He had seen it up on stage but now, looking directly into it, she was breathtaking. “I am sorry about what I said.”

            “No need to apologize,” Castiel shook his head. “I have learned that men tend to be a little too forward with women.”

            “Yeah, they can be,” She smiled at him. Castiel took this time to really look at her. She was shorter than him by at least a foot but she felt very tall to him, someone who would rise up and stand her ground in the moment if need be; small but a warrior of a woman. He could see the battles she had fought in her eyes as they pushed back the light brown curls that hung before them. “But again, I am sorry.”

            “It is not a problem,” Castiel gave her a smile. “I will leave you be.”

            “Or,” Piper reached out and lightly grabbed Castiel’s trenchcoated arm. “You could always buy me a drink. Biggest fan and all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the song. Song is Death Cab for Cutie's "I Will Follow You into the Dark."


	3. Our Pasts Revealed

            Castiel was not really a big drinker, not since the last time he had drank an entire liquor store, but he could not refuse this offer. She ordered a drink and he asked for one in the same. He did not want to seem like the weird guy for buying her a bunch of drinks and not drinking himself. Dean had told him one time that doing that was creepy, and kind of suspicious.

            “You know,” Piper leaned forward against the table. “I never did ask you your name. You probably think I am just taking advantage of you being a fan.”

            “I would never think such a thing,” Castiel shook his head. “I know better than that.”

            “Oh, you do?” She laughed, leaning back against her seat. She pushed her mouth to the side as she looked at him. “And how do you know this? I could be taking advantage of you.”

            “Not that I would mind,” Castiel laughed, swirling the straw around his drink. “But I can see your soul and it tells me that you are actually a very nice person. It has been through a lot, that is for certain, but it is pure and good.”

            “Great,” she laughed, throwing back her head. “You are a crazy person. My biggest fan is a crazy person.”

            Castiel was not sure how to respond. Once again, he felt like he had done something he shouldn’t have. He was not supposed to talk about people’s souls or being able to see them. Normal people did not say things like that. Normal people would just say they had a gut feeling but not him, he was not smart enough to pull off normal, obviously. “I apologize.”

            “I never said it was a bad thing,” Piper put her hand out and put it on top of his. Obviously, she could tell that he was nervous. “It is the ones who hide their crazy; those are the ones you have to worry about.”

            “So,” Piper took a sip of her mixed drink, her eyes looking over Castiel. “Do I get to know the name of my biggest, craziest, fan?”

            Castiel laughed, but he was still nervous. He was not sure why he was so nervous with her. Normally, he was good at talking, whether or not he was saying the right thing. But now he found himself struggling for words. Is this what it was to be a fan of someone?

            “Castiel,” he indulged her. He knew he was going to have to go in depth into his name, that was how it normally went. “But you can just call me Cas. Everyone else does.”

            “Nah, I like Castiel. I will call you that.” She smiled over at him and suddenly he was more comfortable than he had been the entire evening. “So, where are you from Castiel?”

            “Kansas,” Castiel was quick to answer. He could not very well tell her that he was from Heaven. Unless there was a town called Heaven. He needed to look into that. That would be ironic. “I am from Kansas.”

            “Wow,” she seemed shocked by his answer. Being as it was not really the truth, he could not blame her in any way. “So, what brings you to the big city?”

            “Was just another stop on my travels,” Castiel admitted to her. “I got into some situations in life that were not so good for me. I decided that I needed to get away from that life for a while. I have been travelling ever since.”

            “Where all have you been?” She suddenly became even more interested in the conversation.

            “I have been all over the world.” Castiel admitted to her, though he was not sure if he should leave some of it out. “Every state, and recently I was in Egypt and Spain.”

            “Which place was your favorite?” She followed up with another question.

            “Here,” Castiel found himself saying, though he was not sure why. He wanted to change his answer but currently it was the correct one. Being here with her was his favorite moment in a very long time.

            “Really,” she laughed at him again. At first he was worried about her laughter, like maybe he was doing things wrong, but now it was a sweet sound. He wanted to do whatever he could to make her smile more. “All the places you have been and New York has been your favorite?”

            “No, not New York,” Castiel could feel himself blushing slightly. “Here. Right where I am now; with you.”

            There was silence for a good while after Castiel’s comment. This time he had done it. He had completely pushed her away and she was just looking for the right moment to leave. He needed to find a book or a class. Anything that could teach him how to be a proper human and talk to other humans, even though he was not a human.

            “I’m still not sleeping with you,” she put on a serious face but Castiel could see the smile lingering behind it.

            “That is okay,” he nodded.

            After that, they talked for what felt like hours. They talked for so long they had to leave the bar and find a twenty-four-hour diner. They talked over coffee and greasy breakfast food. Castiel learned that he was right about his impression of her based on her songs. She never knew he mother and her father was a dead beat, she had not seen him since she was sixteen. She also had two brothers. Both of them were a little messed up and only showed up when they needed something. Castiel told her that they were similar, telling her a loose version of his story. He could not really tell her the real thing. Not yet anyways.

            “So where are you staying?” Piper asked, forcing Castiel to sit up straight. He was not really staying anywhere. Since he did not have a need for sleep, he just kind of moved around to other places when the world around him was asleep.

            “I, uh,” Castiel tried to think of the name of a hotel that would be close by, anything that would convince her but he was drawing a blank. Dean would be disappointed. “I have been staying with a friend.”

            “A friend, huh?” He could sense that she did not believe him. He had taken a little longer than he should have when answering her. “Where does this friend live, exactly.”

            “Downtown,” He tried his best but he was not the best at lying. Not telling people things was one thing but lying when asked was sometimes harder than it needed to be. The worst was lying to her. He did not know what it was but he did not want to lie to her.

___

            Castiel argued the entire walk to Piper’s apartment, but she was not hearing it. She said that if he decided to stay in New York, he would always have a place to stay. He tried to tell her that he would get a hotel room but she had an extra room that was just sitting there and she would love to have some company for a while. Plus, she had a cat, Castiel had always been fond of cats.

            “Home sweet home,” Piper flicked on the lights and led him into her apartment. It was small, even though it was a two bedroom. To have anything big you had to pay an arm and a leg for it in New York. Castiel was not sure when they started taking body parts as payment, but it did not seem pleasant. Besides, there was nothing wrong with small. A home was a home, no matter the size.

            “I will not over stay my welcome,” Castiel promised as he shut the door behind him.

            “Please do,” she smiled, though it could very well be the alcohol talking. She had a lot to drink before she started onto the coffee. Castiel was not sure how sobering up worked, but he had a feeling she was not quite there yet.

            Castiel stood in the entryway, taking it all in and trying to get himself to feel slightly comfortable. Would this be a situation that a normal person would feel comfortable in? He was not sure if he should walk in and make himself at home, whatever it was that meant. Heaven had always been his home. There were no rooms, it was a vast number of places to explore. The idea of walls and rooms making up a home was still new to him.


	4. Home Is Wherever You Are

What Castiel thought was going to be a single night turned into months. Ten months had gone by and he was still rooming with Piper. Though he met her as a nightclub singer, she was actually a nurse. She ended up getting him a job at the hospital, a candy striper kind of deal. Castiel made rounds, talking to patients and making sure they were being taken care of. Though he felt he was bad at it, he learned that he could be a people person if he needed to be. And sometimes, though he would never admit to anyone, he would heal someone, someone who just wasn’t ready to die. He tried not to medal in fate too much, but there were times, mainly with children, when he couldn’t just let the gifts he had go to waste.

            His job and Piper gave him a new meaning in life. Though friends were nothing new to him, this felt much more new. Piper called him her best friend, and though he always felt that role belonged to Dean for him, he could not deny that she was someone truly important in his life. In fact, he could not imagine his life without her in it. He had lived for millions of years and for the first time, he had a home, he had a place that he belonged. All because of Piper.

            “Pizza or burgers,” Piper asked as they clocked out together. It was rare that they got off at the same time but on the occasion that they did, they always went out to eat.

            “I am not sure why you even ask,” Castiel laughed, slinging his jacket over his shoulder. It was cold out but he felt better without one. The cold did not bother him. In fact, the main reason he brought it was because Piper always ended up freezing, even though she had a coat of his own. He brought it to make her warm when need be. Most of the decisions he made throughout the day were for her, though he did not consciously realize it. “When have I ever not chosen burgers?”

            “Thought I would give you a chance to make the right decision,” she laughed, lightly bumping the side of her arm into his. “One day you will realize that there is nothing better than pizza.”

            “I have had pizza many times, thank you.” He reminded her. “I still think we should go for burgers.”

            “Pizza it is,” and pizza it was. She would bring him a burger at lunch or for dinner to make it up to him. She always did. She just liked to get her way and Castiel had no problem giving it to her. It made her happy and her being happy made him happy. It was nice. Caring about someone more than yourself and knowing that even though they did not say it out loud, you knew that they cared for you just as much.

            After pizza, they hit up the bar right around the corner from them. Though Castiel did not drink that often, they had friends that frequented the bar. Friends. Castiel had friends that he met up with on a regular basis. People who texted him throughout the day and invited him to events. Even though he was not human, he enjoyed what being human was all about. He did not get this kind of treatment when his days were filled with wars and demons.

            “So, I have a question,” Piper asked him as they fell against the couch. He loved when she was buzzed. She would ask the craziest questions or start some of the silliest conversations. It was nice having conversations for hours about things that meant nothing. Before, pointless would have driven him crazy, he always needed to know the point, now just being with her and having hour long conversations was the point.

            “I might have an answer,” Castiel kicked off his shoes and propped his feet onto the coffee table. Piper followed suit, resting her ankles on top of his. “Though I still do not know what a Backstreet Boy is or who the best one was.”

            “It will always be Brian,” she laughed, “There is just something about a sweet-talking country boy.”

            “What does a Backstreet Boy have to do with the country?” Castiel inquired. Not really expecting an answer from her.

            “Anyways,” Piper leaned her head onto Castiel’s shoulder. “I was wondering. When is your birthday?”

            “My birthday?” Castiel questioned back. He understood the question but again, he was confused. He did not really have a birthday. He was supposed to have one. Normal people have birthdays.

            “Yes,” Piper laughed, lightly digging her fingers into his side. “You do have a birthday, don’t you?”

            “Of course, I have a birthday,” Castiel cleared his throat. “And maybe one day I will tell you what it is.”

            “Such a mystery you are,” she cuddled into him. He could smell the mixture of pizza, alcohol and her perfume. Even through the mixed drink bitterness, it was an amazing smell. “One day I hope you tell me all those secrets you are holding onto.”

            “One day I will,” Castiel chuckled, though he knew he would not be able to tell her everything. He could tell her the truth, in fact, he had wanted to for so long, but he just couldn’t. If he told her, chances are, all of this would come to an end. He would have to give up this life that he was growing to love. “I promise.”

            “Can I ask you another question?” Castiel hoped it was not another personal question. Though he had given his answers in life a lot of thought. He still did not have all of them. “I promise it will be the last one for the night.”

            “Oh,” Castiel sighed, pretending to be annoyed by the questioning. It was just another thing that had become routine with them. “I suppose one more won’t hurt.”

            “Can I,” Piper shifted against him, pulling her arms up against her. He could tell that she was nervous and that made him nervous. He knew that life was going to unfold on him sooner or later but today was not the day, he was not ready. “Can I kiss you?”

            Castiel shook his head lightly. He was not even sure that he had heard her correctly, but he knew that he did. Why would she want to kiss him? He was nothing special. “I, uh.”

            Castiel got up from the couch quickly, pacing what little floor they had in their small two-bedroom apartment. He had only ever kissed two people before. Meg, a demon, who in a way he felt he loved her, but not at the time he kissed her and April, and that ended up in his death. He was not someone who just kissed people. He was not good at this.

            “I am so sorry,” Piper got up from the couch and made her way over to him. She grabbed the sides of his arms and steadied him. He stopped but a part of him wanted to continue pacing. “I don’t know why I even asked. I just. Things between us have been amazing and I … I am so sorry. I hope this doesn’t ruin things between us. I am so sorry.”

            “I am an angel,” Castiel blurted out. “I don’t have a birthday because I was not actually born. I was created.”

            “Wow,” Piper put her hands into the air, tears forming behind her eyes. “I am sorry I asked to kiss you but you don’t have to make a joke out of this.”

            Piper left him standing there in the middle of the living room. The slam of her bedroom door made his jump slightly. He was not one to get scared but then again, everything was different with her. Right now, he was terrified. He was about to lose the one thing he never knew he really wanted.

            “Piper,” Castiel knocked at her door. He was not sure what he was going to say to her but he could not leave it there. He could not let her think that he was trying to joke during something that felt serious between them. Though he never wanted to tell her, she deserved to know the truth.

            “Not now Cas,” she called through the door, another knife to the gut. She had never called him Cas, she had always made sure to call him Castiel.

            “Please, let me explain,” he knocked again. Not willing to give up that easily with her. If there was a moment when he was down, she would not just walk away, she would force him to talk to her.

            “Explain what?” Piper swung the door open, her eyes red. He knew that meant that she was crying and he hated that he had made her cry.

            “You were crying,” Castiel reached out to touch her face but she pulled away. “Please, don’t cry.”

            “I am sorry,” she shook her head at him. “I am not mad at you. I am mad at me. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

            “I would like to talk about it now,” Castiel leaned against the frame of her door. “I think there is a lot that we need to talk about.”

            “Like me being in love with a nutcase?” Piper laughed. Castiel was taken back. No one had ever said that they were in love with him. He knew there were people in this world and angels that loved him, but no one had ever said it to him. Though she did not actually say the words to him.

            Castiel was not sure what to say to her at this point. How do you respond to someone admitting that they loved you? Then there was the question of love itself. He knew that he loved her, there was no question about that. She was truly someone special in his life. But was he in love with her? What did it mean to be in love with someone? Was it eating pizza a million times to make her happy? Was it bringing your coat, just to keep her warm? Was it making sure that once a month the fridge was full of sea salted chocolate, which was absolutely disgusting, if you asked him.

            “Angel,” Castiel finally spoke. “I am not a nutcase. At least I don’t think that I am.”

            “Seriously,” Piper glared at him, beginning to push him out the door but he would not budge. She needed to hear this, as crazy as he knew it sounded. Humans, even those who say they believe, always find the truth hard to swallow. “I am trying to have a serious conversation with you and you are pulling this angel thing again? What is wrong with you Castiel?”

            “Quite a bit, I am sure.” Castiel admitted. He was not perfect. Not as a human or as an angel, he would be the first to admit that. Though when he did things, he always tried to do them with the best interest of others in mind. “But I really am an angel.”

            “Right,” she laughed, though he could tell that she was angry. “And I am the Queen of England.”

            “That is actually false,” Castiel laughed, trying to lighten the mood but he was sure that it was not working. The only thing that he could do now was be honest with her. “I am truly an Angel of the Lord. I was created in Heaven. I am not from Kansas, though I have family there, at least, people that I consider family.”

            “You really are fucking crazy,” she tried to slam the door against him but he stopped her. He hated having to go about things in a scary way but sometimes, it was the only way.

            Castiel forced the lights around them to flicker and she jumped back. It was then that he used the flicker of the lights to show off the shadow of his wings. He knew that she was going to ask him to leave. That she was going to be frightened. He hated that who he was, was frightening to people. But that was the burden of being him. He could not change who he was. He had tried being human and it was not the life for him. He was an angel.

            Castiel stepped out of the doorway, the lights returning to normal. He tried to ignore the look on her face but he knew it all too well. She got up and walked to the door, holding it in her hand. She then looked him over, confusion in her eyes.

            “I need to get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning.” Before she gave him the chance to respond, she had shut the door in his face, leaving him in the dim light of the living room. He wanted to knock again, fight somehow, but he had given up fighting a long time ago. Fighting was not the answer, even if it was for a good reason.

            “Want to know what is crazier than being in love with a nutcase?” Castiel leaned his head against the door and closed his eyes. “Being in love with a human.”


	5. All Good Things End

            Castiel figured since she had not asked him to leave just yet, that maybe there was a chance for him after all. The chance was slim but that did not stop him from being hopeful. This would be one of those instances where a human would pray to God and ask him to guide them. He knew that God was not going to help him through this but he could understand that desire to ask for some sort of chance for things to go their way. He needed her to not kick him out. Not because he needed a home but because he needed her. Though he had thought so before, he had never needed someone as much as he knew he needed her.

            Maybe sleep would be helpful. Sleeping was not over-rated. There were many times he wished that he had the ability to shut down for a few hours. He had way too many hours to sit and think. Piper had mentioned from time to time how clean the house had seemed since he arrived. When you did not sleep, and you were tired of visiting random destinations, you clean. At least, Castiel cleaned. He found it rather comforting. He liked being home. Home was where Piper was. Traveling was losing its magic, knowing that he could not share it with her. Maybe now he could, but he was not going to get his hopes up too high.

            Castiel laid in bed for a good hour or so before feeling the need to do something. When you just laid in a bed, it started to become uncomfortable. He remembered the comfort they once provided but that was because he could give himself over to it and sleep. Maybe there were some other perks to being human.

            Deciding that he needed to work things out for himself, he decided to look up the word love, on the internet. He knew the definition of love, he had seen love, he believed that he had felt love. But this … this was something completely different. Love and being in love did not feel like the same thing. They had to be different and he needed to understand what all of it meant. He had to know if he really loved her or if it was something else entirely.

            Castiel went through many pages of what people thought the definition of falling in love was. Some of them seemed accurate, while others were incredibly far-fetched. He then stumbled upon an article that stated there were scientific facts about falling in love. That had to be accurate, being as it was science. Though Castiel knew that Heaven and Hell existed, that did not make Science any less amazing.

            **Fact Number One: This one feels different.**

At first Castiel was not sure what that meant, but then he read the description. It talked about how the feelings you have with this person and the way you see this person is unlike any other person you have met. This was true. Piper was unlike any person he had ever met. She made him happy and excited and made his stomach turn in circles, almost as if he were going to be sick but in a manner, that did not make him hate the feeling. No one had ever made him feel that way.

            **Fact Number Two: She is perfect.**

This one talked about how people see the good more than they see the flaws in the person they are in love with. Castiel was not sure if this was accurate. He noticed her flaws, like the way she kicked off her shoes at the front door too hard. She was leaving dents. Or the way she overcooked the bacon for his bacon cheeseburgers. But then again, these were also things he loved about her. They were part of who she was and he believed her to be perfect. There is not a thing that he would change about her. Not even the fact that she was angry at him this very moment.

            **Fact Number Three: You are a wreck.**

This was completely true. Castiel felt himself falling apart and he could not compose himself. He felt like nothing was in his control and he was powerless. It was devastating feeling this way. She had him completely messed up.

            **Fact Number Four: You have overcome challenges that have made you closer.**

If he were to pray, this is what he would be praying for. He would pray that they would be able to get through this moment and that they would be stronger for it. So, in the moment, this was not something that pertained to them. He just hoped that it would get a check mark soon.

            **Fact Number Five: You are obsessed with them.**

He was not going to say that he was obsessed with a person. He knew that there were times when he fit the description, but he was not obsessed. Sure, he talked to all the patients about how wonderful she was. When he spent time with their friends and she was not around, she would be the topic of his conversation. When he was not focused on something important, he was focused on her. Obsessed really was a strong word.

            **Fact Number Six: You wish you could be together all the time.**

            Of course, he wishes they could be together all of the time. She is his best friend. He has given up all things in life for a normal life and now his life is her. When he is not with her, he feels like he is missing out on what he believes to be the best decision he has ever made. This was a silly fact.

**Fact Number Seven: You hope the two of you stay together forever.**

Forever is a long time. Castiel has been alive longer than she could even conceive. So, he is not sure that forever is something that can truly be obtained. In forty to fifty years, she was going to be close to her death and he is going to continue. If they mean for her forever, then yes, Castiel wishes to remain by her side for her journey in life.

**Fact Number Eight: You would do anything for them.**

Castiel had made many mistakes in life. He had made decisions that he thought were for the best but found out that they were wrong. So, yes, he would do anything for her but he would also ask her first. He did not want to mess up anymore. He needed to make sure that the things he did for her were really things that she wanted.

**Fact Number Nine: You care about what they think.**

More than anything really. All he really wanted to know right now was how she was feeling. What she was thinking and how he can make this all better. He wanted to hear what she had to say to him. All that mattered to him in this moment was her.

**Fact Number Ten: You don’t want them to be with anyone else.**

Castiel was not wanting to stand in the way of her happiness. If she would rather be with someone else, he would let her have that. It would make him sad and the feeling in his stomach told him that he would not be able to watch, but really, he just wanted her to be happy.

**Fact Number Eleven: It is not just about sex.**

They had yet to have sex. It was never a thought that crossed him mind. Sex was important to human relationships. Maybe he should have considered this before. Did he want to sleep with her? Would he be able to sleep with her? He knew that he had the ability as an angel to be turned on, but he had never slept with someone as an angel, only as a human. Does she want to have sex with him? Is this something that she had thought about? He was more confused than ever now.

**Fact Number Twelve: You feel out of control.**

This feels like something they had already touched on. Being out of control must be a very big part of being in love. That did not sound all that appealing. Why would someone want to be out of control because of another person? Did people enjoy being out of control?

**Fact Number Thirteen: You no longer desire other people.**

Castiel had never desired anyone the way that he desired Piper. So, nothing had to really change there.

 

            Castiel was now fairly certain that he was in love with Piper but he still did not know what to do about it or how to handle any of this. He needed more help than the internet could give him but was clueless as to where he could find it. Normally, when he had a question, he would turn to Piper and she would help him through it. His problem could not go to her this time. He considered calling one of his other friends but he would not be able to fully understand the situation. That is when he decided to do something he had not done in over a year. He picked up his phone and he called Dean.

            He called Dean, not once but four times. He had blocked his number, a trick that Piper had taught him and hung up each time that Dean answered. He was not sure how to talk to Dean anymore. Castiel now hated being human, whether he was literally human or not.  


	6. An Unexpected Turn of Events

            Castiel had ended up calling Dean one more time but this time Dean did not answer. He was more than likely angry about all the hang up Calls that he had received in the middle of the night. One day, he would be able to talk to Dean, but he could not bring himself to let that day be today. Would Dean even want to talk to Castiel? Castiel had abandoned Dean once again and just left him there to figure things out for himself. Castiel had heard Dean’s cries for him in the middle of the night and even though he wanted to, he never went to Dean. Dean was better off without him. Everyone was better off without him. Castiel just needed to accept this fact about himself and move on.

            “Castiel,” Castiel jumped slightly at the knock on his door. Normally he knew when she was waking up and he could crawl into bed and pretend that he was asleep. Today had him so overwhelmed, he could not even hear her steps towards him room. Piper was not a quiet walker by any means. “Are you awake?”

            “Yes,” Castiel called through the door.

There was no point in pretending any longer. Castiel made his way across the room and pulled the door open. Piper stood on the other side, bright soul but solemn faced. She did not appear to have gotten much sleep and he could not blame her. Luckily she did not have to work today. If she had to get ready for work, he would have felt even worse than he already did.

“Good morning,” Castiel tried to smile but when she did not return it, it faltered from his face. “Can I get you some coffee?”

“Yeah,” Piper nodded, moving out of his way.

Castiel brushed passed her and into the kitchen. The slight moment when their bodies connected almost knocked him off his feet. He could tell that she had the same reaction. He was not sure if that was a good thing or not.

“So,” Piper followed him into the kitchen and sat down on one of the barstools that they kept against the counter. They did not have a table or a bar for that matter. They ate at the counters or on the couch or, when the mood called for it, they ate on the floor. “Angels?”

“Um,” Castiel finished up with the coffee, letting it brew. The slow flow of now tainted water being the only sound you could hear in the room. “Yes. Angels are real and I happen to be on.”

“So, that means that God is…” Piper trailed off with her thought. Another thing in learning about angels. It was easier for people who did not believe to accept angels and even the devil than it was for them to truly accept the existence of God. That was generally because people had so many questions of him.

“Real,” Castiel finished the sentence for her. “Yes. God is very much real. Not in the way that the world sees him but still real.”

“What does that mean exactly?” She questioned, tapping her feet against the cabinets closest to the ground.

“Well,” Castiel was not sure how to explain his father to anyone. His father was complicated in a way that humans could not understand. It was like explaining to people a compound that did not exist on their planet. He was going to do his best to help her understand but he was not sure he even full understood his father. “He created the Earth and Angel and you humans. The stories of the Bible are, for the most part, accurate. But he is not listening. He does not care about people anymore. He isn’t even in Heaven anymore or in this realm of Earth and the Universe. At least, not as far as we can tell.”

“So, when you said you have a dead-beat dad,” Piper quirked an eyebrow at him and he smiled. It was so very Piper, that he could not help but be taken with it.

“I mean he left me and I have not heard from him since,” Castiel confirmed with a nod. The truth hurt to say. He knew his father abandoned him but saying it out loud was like putting salt into a wound that refused to heal.

“Is the Devil…” Again, she was unable to bring herself to say the words.

“Yes,” Castiel nodded. “But don’t worry about him. He is locked away in a cage and won’t be hurting anyone.”

“A cage?” She mimicked his words in the form of a question.

“Yes,” Castiel nodded before turning to pour them both coffee. Castiel preferred his black but she loved hers to consist mainly of sugar, with just a hint of coffee to help it go down. “My brother Lucifer is in a cage, in hell.”

“The devil is your brother?” Piper finally laughed and it caused a good portion of the tension in his shoulders to disappear. She truly had an amazing laugh.

“Yes. Contrary to popular belief.” Castiel confirmed. “He is a brother to us angels, not to God. I am not sure where people got that information.”

“Maybe they just expected it to be an equal balance of good and evil,” she suggested.

“That is also in with the assumption that God is good,” Castiel nodded. “Which he is not. Nor is he evil. You cannot be the most powerful being in the world and simply be good or evil.”

“Sounds pretty human to me,” Piper reached out and grazed her fingers along his arm, causing him to almost drop his coffee.

“He did make you all in image of himself,” Castiel nodded.

“Prima Madonna,” Piper nodded, pulling her coffee to her lips to take a sip.

“Yes,” Castiel laughed, making his way over to the couch and sitting down. “Very much so.”

They sat there in silence for a while, both of them taking in the information of this conversation. Piper seemed overly calm and Castiel wondered if this was what they called ‘the calm before the storm.’ It was very possible that things were not going to get better from here.

“So,” Piper got up from where she was sitting and made her way over to stand in front of him. Sher reached down, taking his coffee and sitting it on the table behind her. Castiel was nervous, unsure of what she was doing. His nerves only increased when she straddled his lap, pulling them together. “Is it okay for an angel to kiss a human?”

“It is frowned upon,” Castiel admitted. “But there are no rule forbidding it, at least, not directly.”

“I was hoping it was illegal,” she laughed, leaning forward, her mouth only inches from him.

“Why is that?” Castiel wandered allowed.

“Cause I like the thought of breaking the law of God in order to kiss you,” She gave him a grin that he was very familiar with. It was the grin she gave him before she would ask him to do something completely ridiculous, like going barefoot in the snow.

“We could be killed for it,” Castiel told her. He did not mean for it to sound as grim as it had come out, but it was too late now.

“Good,” Piper laughed.

Then her lips were pressed against his. She was warm and tastes of sugar. Normally, Castiel was not a fan of sugar but now he could not get enough. He ran his tongue over his lips and she took advantage of him opening his mouth and pushed her tongue into it. Castiel had kissed twice but this … this was something different. This was being in love.


	7. Time Away for Answers

            Castiel and Piper had a lot to work through. She was accepting of him being an angel but that did not make any of this easy. There were a lot of questions she had to ask and he made sure to answer them to the best of his abilities. Some of them he couldn’t answer though; not because he did not want to, but because, he didn’t know how. Just because he was an angel did not mean he knew all of life’s questions. If he did, he would not use google so much.

            “We should go away for the weekend,” Piper said out of the blue over dinner one night.

            “Away?” Castiel was not sure what that meant. “Away to?”

            “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Somewhere secluded. Somewhere we can spend some time alone and just get to know each other.”

            “We already know each other,” Castiel was not sure what the point of leaving would be. They could get to know each other in their own home. That is what they had been doing for the past eleven months, wasn’t it?

            “You make more sense to me now Castiel,” Piper laughed. “Getting away is not a bad thing. It is supposed to be fun. Vacations are fun.”

            “Then I would like to go on one with you,” Castiel nodded in agreement.

            “I have enough saved up for us to maybe go someplace out in the country for a while,” She offered up.

            “You are forgetting one thing,” Castiel moved his foot to rub against hers under the table.

            “And what is that?”

            “I am an angel,”

            “And?”

            “I can literally take us anywhere in the world in the blink of an eye. Though that is not really how it works.”

            “Do you twitch your nose?”

            “Twitch my nose?”

            “Yeah. Like Samantha Stevens.”

            “I do not know this Samantha person.”

            “Really? You have been alive since forever and you don’t know who Samantha Stevens is?”

            “I have not had the pleasure of meeting her.”

            “You don’t meet Samantha Stevens. She is not a real person.”

            “How can I be like someone who does not even exist?”

            “So how does your magic work exactly?” Piper was quick to change the subject, though he was certain this was not going to be the last time he heard about Samantha Stevens.

            “I just will myself to be somewhere and I am there.”

            “And you can take other people with you?”

            “Yes,” He nodded, reaching across the table and placing his hand on hers.

            “That is…” Piper was cut off.

            It was bad to transport them when they had been sitting down. Once they arrived at the destination, the both fell to the ground. Luckily, it was not that far of a fall and they were both going to be okay.

            “What did you do?” She asked. If he did not know any better, he would say she was angry. She was more confused than she was angry.

            “This is a country side,” Castiel pointed out at the open fields beyond the trees and a very beautiful cabin. “Would you like to go inside?”

            “Now?” She moved to pull herself up to her feet.

            “I checked,” Castiel grabbed her hand in his and smiled down at her. “There is no one home currently.”

            “Someone lives here?” She looked between the house and Castiel. “Isn’t that illegal?”

            “Aren’t you dating an angel?”

            “Right. Breaking and entering it is.”

            “Entering.”

            “What?”

            “I do not plan on breaking anything. That would be highly disrespectful to the owners.”

            “You are something else,” Piper laughed as she took Castiel’s hand.

            “Yes I am,” Castiel smiled, gripping her fingers between his own. “I am an Angel; Remember?”

            Before Piper had the ability to say anything else, they disappeared again and reappeared inside of a beautiful cabin. It was one of those Cabins that you see on the cover of magazines or something. Castiel had appreciated its beauty when he searched for it and that is why he chose to come here. It was elegant but rustic at the same time. Seemed like the kind of place Dean would go for a vacation, if Dean took vacations.

            “What’s wrong?” Piper asked. She was good at knowing when things were night right with him. He could sense the same in her. That is what made them work so well. They could read each other and no grace had to be used for it. With Dean, he only knew what Dean was feeling when he would read Dean’s mind and emotions. He didn’t have to violate Piper to know her.

            “This place,” Castiel pulled her over to the large, oversized couch. As he pulled her down beside him, he tried to think of the right words, the ones that would explain what he truly felt. “It reminds me of Dean.”

            “The friend who lives in Kansas?” She questioned.

            “Yes,” Castiel nodded, his eyes looking over the rest of the cabin. “Dean and Sam are my friends from Kansas.”

            “But this place only makes you think of Dean?” She continued on with the questions.

            Castiel had told her very little about his time with the Winchesters. It was not because he did not want her to know about them, it was just, well … it hurt. Talking about Dean and Sam, it hurt. He missed them and at times, he wished that he would not have just left them but it was for the best. If he had not left, he would not have Piper.

            “Dean and I,” Castiel took a deep breath. Over the last few months, Castiel had been letting himself become more human, relying less on his grace. This caused him to feel emotions in a more human way. That included the tears that he was fighting back at the current moment. “I was assigned a job.”

            Castiel finally let it all out. He told Piper about being assigned to pull Dean Winchester, the righteous man, out of hell. He told her about the apocalypse and how he had be cast out from the angels because he loved humans, more specifically, he loved Dean. He also told her about the mistakes he made and how he helped close off heaven. Now no one wanted him. Even if the Winchester’s said they needed him, they were better off without him. Which is why he left to travel the world.

            “Sounds like this Dean is a great man,” Piper rubbed her hand over Castiel’s thigh to comfort him.

            “He would never admit it himself,” Castiel smiled fondly at how stubborn the man was. “But yes; Dean Winchester is a great man. So is his brother Sam.”

            “You ever think about calling them?” She asked.

            “Yes,” Castiel nodded. “But I think it is better that I do not.”

            “Why is that?”

            “Because that is no longer the life I want.”

            “What life would that be?”

            “Fighting to good fight.”

            “Doesn’t sound like a bad life.”

            “It is a rewarding one but also one that takes away your chances of having the things that really matter in life.”

            “Which would be?”

            “Happiness,” Castiel reached down and entwined his fingers with hers. “Love.”

            “Are you telling me that you love me, Castiel?” Piper smiled up at him. She knew the answer to this already. They had mentioned their love for each other in conversation but they had never flat out told the other person that they loved each other.

            “I am,” Castiel leaned forward and placed his forehead against her own. “I do.”

            “You do what?” Piper looked him straight in the eyes.

            “I love you,” Castiel spoke the words and nothing had felt more right. He truly was in love with her.

            “I love you too.”

            “Good,” Castiel smiled. “All this rule breaking would really be pointless otherwise.”


	8. Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

            “Do we stay here?” Piper asked, looking up at the night sky. You could not see the star in New York, not without traveling far.

            “I do not see why not,” Castiel pulled her into his side. “No one is expected to return here for a while. It appears to be a vacation home.”

            “So just clean up after ourselves?” She nodded through her question, as if she was answering it for herself.

            “And replace all this wine and food we have eaten,” Castiel laughed.

            “I really like this rule breaking side of you,” she laughed. “For a while, I thought you were a little too good.”

            “I am far from good,” Castiel believed his words, even though he used a joking tone. He had learned that the tone of voice you used when saying things was very important. “Not to say that I am bad. Just not good.”

            “I disagree,” Piper used her hand to turn Castiel’s face toward her. “All that I have learned from you and about you. If there was ever a good person, angel or human, you would be it.”

            “I appreciate that,” Castiel smiled at her, but he could not believe her words. He had messed up too many times to be considered good.

            “Why can’t you see how amazing you are?” Piper asked him and it actually struck something within him. He had remembered saying something very similar to Dean. Dean could not see that he was a man worth saving, just as Castiel could not see how he was an Angel or a man worth loving.

            “You see it,” Castiel acknowledged her feelings, something he was getting better at doing. “That is all that matters to me.”

            Piper seemed to accept his answer as she cuddled into him. She nuzzled her head into his neck and the gesture made Castiel’s heart race. It was not often that he gave over to the primal urges that humans had but his shield was completely down for her and he could not fight his feelings. Fear overcame him though when he sensed that this was a moment. This was one of those moments that would lead to something more.

            “Piper … I.” Castiel stumbled over his words. What was he supposed to say to her? I am not a virgin but I am not good at this.

            “Oh my,” Piper sat up and looked over Castiel. “You’ve never?”

            “I have,” Castiel quickly corrected her. “But only once and she kind of murdered me afterwards.”

            “She what?” Piper’s eyes grew large and Castiel could not help but laugh.

            “I had become human for a short period of time,” Castiel thought back on the memory that was supposed to be good but was clouded with so much darkness. “I met this woman who took me in when I was homeless. After we … slept together, the truth came out that she was really an angel who had been sent to kill me.”

            “Why would an angel want to kill you?”

            “Like I said, I have made many mistakes. A lot of them are unforgivable in the eyes of my brothers and sisters.”

            “Wait. You slept with your sister?”

            “Um,” Castiel had never really thought about it like that. “It is different for angels. Brothers and sisters are not as they are for humans. We were all created by our Father. So it is really not as bad as it would be, for example, if I were a human male, sleeping with a human female sister.”

            “Okay,” Piper took a little longer than he would have liked to think about all of this. She was doing well with the angel stuff but he was certain that somewhere along the line, he was going to scare her away. This could be that moment.

            “I did not mean to freak you out,” Castiel reached out but stopped before touching her. He could not read her in this moment and he did not want to overstep the boundaries of the situation.

            “Come on,” Piper stood up from the chair they had been cuddling in outside of the cabin and gestured for them to go inside. “I want to show you something.”

            “Okay,” Castiel stood and followed her.

            They made their way through the house, which was rather large. It was big from the outside but the inside was something different. It seemed almost too big for what one would picture just standing outside and looking at the cover. He was not sure exactly how many rooms there were but they passed at least three rooms before she found a room worth entering. When he followed her in, it was not a bedroom, it was a bathroom. There was a his and hers sink along one side, a small room which housed the toilet and had a door for privacy, a walk-in shower encased in glass and then a large jacuzzi sized bathtub that you had to take steps up to get into. It was the definition of elegant.

            “You wished to show me the bathroom?” Castiel looked over the room one more time before turning his attention back to Piper.

            Castiel’s mouth hung open and his pupils dilated to the point where he was sure you could no longer see the blue in them. Just a few feet away from him, Piper was removing her clothes and tossing them carelessly on the floor. She then made her way over to the large jacuzzi tub and turned it on. It took a while, but soon it seemed to reach a temperature that she was good with and she plugged it so that it could fill.

            “You gonna just stare at me,” Piper turned to Castiel and placed a hand on her hip. “Or are you gonna get naked with me?”

            “I … um,” Castiel could not find a single word. No matter how many times he tried to speak, they all got caught in his throat.

            Piper simply smiled at the reaction that she got out of him. He worked to say something a few more times but stopped when Piper made her way over and began to strip Castiel of his clothes. Castiel did not have a need for bathing, so he never really got naked. He knew that this body was in good shape and that the people who had seen it seemed to appreciate its beauty but he was slightly nervous that she would be disappointed.

            “We don’t have to do this,” Piper stopped at his pants, his shirt and sweater already tossed aside. “You seem unsure.”

            “I want this,” Castiel promised, moving forward and clasping their lips together. It was all teeth and tongue and passion and Castiel felt his body immediately respond.

            “Then let’s get these pants out of the way,” She smiled and spoke between mouth bruising kisses.

            Castiel pulled away and let her get back to undressing him. He had seen a decent amount of pornos but they did nothing for these moments. Watching someone undress someone on a porno did not convey the actually feeling that one had when being undressed.

            Once Castiel was completely naked, Piper gave him a once over, smiled and then turned away toward the bathtub. Castiel watched as she slowly made her way up the steps and slipped her legs into the hot water. Once she was in and sitting down, Castiel made his way up and mimicked her actions, stepping in and taking a seat on the other side of the tub.

            “Can you feel the heat?” Piper questioned as she ran her fingers over the top of the water.

            “I can allow for my body to feel anything it would feel if I were completely human,” Castiel informed her.

            “But are you?” She asked.

            “I am,” Castiel laughed. “It is surprisingly … hot.”

            “That is the point.”

            Castiel enjoyed the feeling of the water against his skin. The more he let himself feel, the more he truly appreciated all that humans were. More so when Piper slowly moved across the water and climbed onto his lap, straddling her legs over his. Castiel gasped at the sensation of being so close and knew that he was, as humans put it, hard.

            Piper leaned in and captured his lips with her own. This time it was not rough but soft and gentle. They kissed as if they were working to slowly memorize how the others lips tasted. He would be able to tell her lips anywhere, whether he could see her or not. He believed that even without his grace, he would be able to feel her presence if she was near.

            Castiel moaned as she reached down between them and took his penis into her hand. The feeling that shot through his body was almost enough to set him over the edge but he cheated and used his grace to calm his body down. He did not want this to be over before it even began.

            She stroked him slowly but allowed her grip to become slightly firmer with each tug. Castiel leaned his head back against the side of the tub, unable to fight the feelings that were coursing through his body. He felt so very alive, so very human. She made him human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that you are not getting full blown sex scenes. This is because ... well ... I am used to writing M/M smut, and even though I am a female and fully grasp the concept of M/F sex, I can't seem to write it.


	9. The Amazing Year

            Castiel was not sure what it meant to have a normal life. Sure, he had lived a somewhat normal life with Piper for the last year but most of it had been in secret. Now his secret was out, they were officially a couple and things were … normal. They went back to their jobs, though Castiel decided that wanted to find a job that would suit him for the rest of his life. They talked for what felt like ever and finally decided that he wanted to help people in a more emotional way, as long as he did not have to do it religiously. Knowing people in the medical community, Piper helped Castiel get a job at a local shelter downtown helping people. He was there for moral support and just making sure they were taken care of daily. Being homeless once himself and knowing how hard it was, Castiel found his job to be rather satisfying.

            “Castiel,” Piper yelled across the crowded bar, as he made his way over to her. He could tell that she had already had quite a bit to drink.

            “Hey,” he smiled at her before leaning in for a kiss.

            “Awe,” Joseph, another nurse from the hospital, one they spent a good amount of time with cooed. “Aren’t you two as sweet as sugar?”

            “Good thing I love sugar,” Piper chimed in, sitting back down in her seat. Castiel took a seat next to her.

            “She does,” Castiel confirmed, making a face. “She puts sugar on the strangest things. I believe it is a problem but she refuses to seek help for it.”

            “Haha,” Piper nudged him with her shoulder. “Aren’t we mister funny tonight?”

            “I have my moments,” Castiel smiled before turning to the waitress and ordering a beer.

            Castiel had developed quite the sense of humor. He even had the ability somehow to joke and not even realize that he was joking. Like most things in life, humor is a learned skill. Piper, being ever the person who loved to joke around, has taught him many things in the way of humor and telling a joke.

            “How is the new job?” Joseph changed the subject.

            Before Castiel had started this new job, he was at the hospital, so he got to see Joseph a lot more. He almost felt jealous that they still got to see each other and he did not. But he was loving his new job and felt like he was really making a difference, so he let it go that they got to see each other as much as they did.

            “It is going very well,” Castiel was happy to have his beer arrive. Though drinking did not get him drunk like the others, at least, not without copious amounts, he had come to love the taste of beer. Something about the bitterness was refreshing to his human taste buds. “It has some hard moments but I feel that only makes the things I do better in the end.”

            “I can imagine,” Joseph took a quick pull from his beer, finishing it off. “Homeless people, while in need of help, don’t always do the best at receiving it.”

            “I have noticed,” Castiel admitted. “But I understand where it comes from. I was homeless once.”

            “You were?” Joseph looked absolutely flabbergasted by this information.

            “Yes,” Castiel answered. “I messed up a few years back and ended up living on the streets. Definitely not one of the highlights of my life but it also gave me a chance to see a different part of the world. People look at homeless people in a negative light and while their situations may not be good, most of the people are.”

            “Well then I am glad you are no longer homeless,” Joseph flagged down the waitress for another beer.

            “Thanks to Piper,” Castiel turned and smiled at his beautiful, while slightly drunk girlfriend. “It was not until I found her that I truly found my home.”

            “Isn’t he the best?” Piper grinned, turning to Joseph for approval, which he nodded to her. She then turned back to Castiel and shared the smile with him. “You are the best.”

            “Yes,” Castiel laughed, taking a drink of his beer. “That is what I keep hearing.”

            “Cause it’s true man,” Joseph chimed in. “You are the best. Our patients are missing out. You were always the high light of people’s days. You still are I imagine, just not at the hospital.”

            “One woman today went as far as to call me an angel,” Castiel informed him and Piper all but spit her beer across the table. “I liked her.”

            “I bet you did,” Piper nudged Castiel again, this time with her food. “Angel.”

            “Suits you,” Joseph said. “Except the whole white wings and halo thing.”

            “Purple wings maybe?” Piper added in her suggestion on what she pictured angel Castiel looking like.

            “Black,” Castiel said seriously, though they were drunk, so who knows how they saw it.

            “What?” They both asked Castiel at the same time.

            “If I were an angel,” Castiel looked from his beer to Piper. “My wings would be black.”

            “Sounds kind of evil,” Joseph contemplated what Castiel had said.

            “Sounds beautiful,” Piper corrected him.

            “I thought so,” Castiel tried to fight back the serious edge this conversation had taken on. It had been far too long since he had gotten to spread out his wings and just admire how beautiful they were, even with the parts that had burned away on his journey through hell.

            “So,” Piper could tell that Castiel was hurting and changed the conversation yet again,” Want some gossip?”

            “Always,” Castiel forced a smile, working to fight passed the tears that wanted to fall from his ever-human eyes.

            “Doctor Harland got caught sleeping with a patient,” She informed him. Castiel’s mouth dropped. Not just because Doctor Harland got caught with a patient, but because Doctor Harland was also married to Doctor Moore, another Doctor at the hospital. “By his wife.”

            “Doctor Moore walked in on them,” Joseph continued on with the story. “She had been looking for him and man, did she ever find him.”

            “So, what happened?” Castiel questioned. Did Doctors lose their jobs for things like this?

            “Well he is definitely getting a divorce,” Piper laughed.

            “And probably fired,” Joseph added in. “It is against the rules and he was on the clock. You don’t just get to break the rules and get away with it.”

            Piper choked once again on her beer and looked over at Castiel. They broke the rules every day. Were they not going to get away with it? Was this going to come to a horrible end? Castiel fought back tears once again. This night definitely was not going the way he intended. What once was supposed to be a fun night out had turned into a trip down memory lane and constant thoughts of what was going to happen to Piper when the angels found out they were together. Would they hurt her? Would they kill him? Was it worth it?


	10. The Silence That Breaks

Castiel had been having troubles lately. He loved Piper, he knew that he loved her but he was worried. It was very possible that they could get in trouble for being together. There were not any highly punishable laws that he knew of for sleeping with a human or mingling with them, but having a full-blown relationship was a problem. He had considered removing his grace but his human vessel had been through a lot. What if he did not survive being human? What if they failed in a relationship and he went back to being the homeless human who did not know how to survive in the world. He was not sure that he could do that. Worst of all, he could not imagine losing her. Losing Piper seemed that it would be worse than death.

            “Morning,” Castiel handed Piper a cup of coffee, just as he did every morning.

            Since he did not sleep, he would make sure that the coffee was ready as soon as she woke up. He would spend most of his night in bed. He would read or cuddle her while she slept. She preferred him to be there but she also knew that it got tiring being in bed when you did not sleep. So, she did not mind that he got out of bed extra early. And normally she was grateful for the coffee, only today, something was off.

            “Is everything okay?” Castiel questioned when she did not make an attempt to kiss him or wish him a good morning. Even when she was grouchy or having a bad day, she would tell him good morning or show him affection. Today, there was nothing.

            “Yeah,” Piper set her full cup of coffee down on the counter and headed for the bathroom. “I am just going to take a shower.”

            Castiel used all of his will power to not read her. He did not want to invade her privacy. If she was having an off day, the best that he could do was respect that. Still, he could not help but feel like something was off. Had he done something wrong?

            Castiel’s fears were all but confirmed when she got ready and left the house without saying anything to him. She barely made eye contact with him the entire morning and every time he tried to talk to her, all he would get in return were ‘hmms’ and ‘haas.’ It was rather frustrating. But still, he gave her what space she needed and did not violate her by reading into her and trying to find out what was wrong. He was just going to have to go about this another way.

 

 **[Thursday 9:16am | Castiel]** _What does one do when they have messed up?_

 

 **[Thursday 9:22am | Joseph]** _I guess it depends on what you messed up._

 

 **[Thursday 9:27am | Castiel]** _I seem to have angered Piper. She is not speaking with me._

 

 **[Thursday 9:31am | Joseph]** _That does not sound like Piper._

 

 **[Thursday 9:34am | Castiel]** _That is why I believe I have messed up._

 

 **[Thursday 9:35am | Castiel]** _But I have no idea what I did or how to go about fixing it._

 

 **[Thursday 9:40am | Joseph]** _Flowers and Jewelry always seem to work for Bianca._

 

 **[Thursday 9:44am | Joseph]** _Sometimes I think she makes me feel like I have messed up, just so I will buy her things._

 

 **[Thursday 9:50am | Castiel]** _I do not think Piper would make me believe something that is not true._

 

 **[Thursday 9:54am | Joseph]** _What do you think you did?_

 

 **[Thursday 9:56am | Joseph]** _Hard to imagine you messing up_.

 

 **[Thursday 9:59am | Castiel]** _Trust me. I have messed up my fair share._

 

 **[Thursday 10:04am | Joseph]** _Well, did you try asking her?_

 

 **[Thursday 10:07am | Castiel]** _Yes. She would not talk to me at all._

 

 **[Thursday 10:10am | Joseph]** _Jewelry. That definitely sounds like a jewelry purchase_.

 

 **[Thursday 10:13am | Castiel]** _What kind of Jewelry?_

 

 **[Thursday 10:15am | Joseph]** _I don’t know man, she is your girl. You should know what she likes._

 

 **[Thursday 10:22am | Castiel]** _Thanks._

 

 **[Thursday 10:25am | Joseph]** _Not a problem man. Hope you two work it out._

 

 **[Thursday 10:27am | Castiel]** _Yeah. Me too._

 

            Castiel spent the afternoon at the mall. Piper was not going to be home until about nine tonight, so he had time to try and figure out something to make this better. He had been to many stores but he could not find the right piece of jewelry. Many of the woman working in these places tried to tell him just what to buy to make her happy but he felt as if they did not know much about people in general. Piper was not a showy person. He could not imagine her wearing big diamonds that cost almost their yearly pay. In fact, he would imagine her just getting even more angry with him spending that kind of money.

            “What brings you in here?” An older gentleman asked Castiel, pulling him out of his thoughts.

            Castiel looked around the store, not even sure where he was. He was just kind of aimlessly wondering around. It appeared to be some kind of antique shop. Castiel liked it. It smelled of things that have existed for longer than most people who entered the store. There was something about things with history that Castiel really liked.

            “I am not sure,” Castiel sighed, shaking his head toward the old man. “I am trying to find something for my girlfriend.”

            “Birthday or anniversary?” He asked Castiel. Neither of those things were accurate.

            “Neither,” Castiel finally admitted but took note. He needed to remember that on birthdays and anniversaries, he had to buy gifts. “I have seemed to anger her.”

            “Ah,” the old man made his way behind the counter. “I might be able to help with that. Been married for fifty-two years.”

            “That is very impressive,” Castiel walked over to the counter and looked through the glass, hoping something would stand out to him. “Most marriages these days seem to last only a matter of years.”

            “Yeah,” the old man agreed with a solemn face. “The motto of today is ‘if it isn’t working, buy a new one,’ but in my time, it was ‘if it isn’t working, you fix it.’”

            “Well I am hoping to fix this,” Castiel informed the man. He did not plan on trading in Piper. She was all that he wanted in this life and the next. “She is everything to me.”

            “What did you do?”

            “That is the problem. I haven’t the slightest clue.”

            “Ah. One of those situations.”

            “So, this is normal?”

            “It is very normal. Tell me about her. What kind of woman is she?”

            “She is wild,” Castiel could feel his face lighting up just thinking about her. “The kind of girl who makes you take your shoes off to run through the snow and then forces you to drink hot chocolate with her afterwards, whether you want it or not.”

            “I have just the thing for you,” the old man smiled before disappearing into a back room. Castiel was not sure what this man could have for him based upon this, but he was curious, to say the least. “Here we are.”

            Castiel’s eye lit up when he saw the bracelet placed in front of him. It was a gold plate connected to a piece of red string that hooked in the back. One the gold plate, there was an inscribed bee with three dots and the word ‘honey’ on it. Castiel found it interesting that this man produced something of the like, more so, because of his interest in bees.

            “I used to keep bees,” the man informed Castiel and Castiel knew he would be back in this store. He liked this old man. “When you can tam a bee long enough to collect its honey, you have succeeded. Sounds like you have tamed a bee.”

            “Thank you,” Castiel took the bracelet from the man and pulled out his wallet. “How much do I owe you?”

            “I don’t want your money,” the old man shooed away Castiel’s wallet. “I just ask that you come back sometime next week and tell me that you fixed it. You seem like the fixing type.”

            “Thank you,” Castiel smiled back at the man. “I will definitely be back. I cannot promise the good news but I do promise to not give up easily.”

            “That is the bee spirit,” the man placed his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Now go get her.”

            Castiel thanked the man a couple more times before leaving his store and heading home. He still had many hours until Piper was to get home but that would give him time to come up with something to say.

            When he had only an hour before she was to arrive home, Castiel headed down to her favorite pizza place. It was only a few blocks away but it tended to get busy this time of night. He ordered a meat lovers pizza with everything. Piper loved anything and everything you could put on a pizza. He thought about making her something more fancy but she loved pizza like he loved burgers, so it seemed pizza was the best option.

            Once he had the pizza, he took himself home, plated up the pizza, got the gift box out and placed it on the counter. He then poured them both a glass of wine. Then he waited.

            “What is this?” Castiel looked up from his plate as Piper made her way through the door.

            “Pizza,” Castiel smiled over at her, and motioned for her to sit. He then handed her, her glass of wine. “With everything.”

            “What is the occasion?” She set the glass down next to her plate and then picked up the pizza to take a bite.

            “I just wanted to say,” Castiel had tried to plan this out but it was hard, considering, he had no idea what he had actually done wrong. “I wanted to say sorry.”

            “Sorry for what?” Piper asked, setting down her pizza.

            “For … uh,” Castiel reached over and grabbed the box. He then quickly handed it to her. He was not doing very good at this. “Whatever it was that I did to upset you.”

            “Oh Castiel,” Piper looked over the wrapped box in her hands. “You did not do anything wrong.”

            “But,” Castiel was confused. If he had not messed up, why had she been ignoring him. “You wouldn’t talk to me and then when you left this morning, you didn’t even say goodbye. And I asked Joseph and he said I should buy you jewelry.”

            “You bought me jewelry?” She looked down at the box again. “Please tell me you did not spend a lot of money on this.”

            “I didn’t spend any money on it at all,” Castiel promised. “Open it.”

            Piper peeled at the paper slowly, glancing up at Castiel every few seconds. He could tell that she was trying to figure out what it was before actually opening the box. He was fairly certain that she would not be able to do that. When she finally got it open, her eyes lit up, just the way his had.

            “It’s beautiful,” Piper smiled. “I love it.”

            “Really?” Castiel smiled, hoping things would be better now.

            “Really,” she smiled at him, moving her hand up to place it against his cheek. Castiel leaned into the touch. “But you did not do anything wrong.”

            “Then what is wrong?” Castiel finally asked the words.

            “I have just been trying to figure something out,” Piper informed him. “I tend to get distance when I am working through things. I am so sorry that I made you feel like you did something wrong.”

            “So, I really didn’t do anything wrong?”

            “Um.”

            “Um, what? I did do something wrong. Didn’t I?”

            “Not exactly. It’s more, we did something wrong. At least I think it is supposed to be wrong.”

            “I am confused,” Castiel cocked his head to the side. “What did we do wrong? Are you talking about us being together?”

            “Kind of,” She admitted, not allowing herself to make eye contact with him. “Castiel. I … we.”

            “Please tell me,” Castiel reached out and lifted her chin so that she had to face him. “We will figure this out together.”

            “I’m,” Piper teared up and Castiel felt like she was going to end it with him. She couldn’t handle what he was. He could not blame her. Why would she want to be with an angel, a horrible angel at that? “I’m pregnant.”


	11. Not Just A Slap on the Wrist

            Castiel tried not to let his panic rise to the surface but he had forgot how to hide himself from Piper long ago. The fear that shot through his body and took over his mind was overwhelming. It was the first time, in a long time, in which he did not feel like he had any control over himself. This was far from anything he had expected. She was just supposed to be mad at him. It would have been easier if she were just mad at him. Why couldn’t she just be mad at him?

            “Castiel?” Piper’s voice held trace amounts of fear.

            “You,” Castiel was not even sure if he could say the words out loud. If he said them, they would be real.

            “I am pregnant,” Piper finished the sentence for him before standing up and moving toward the sink to dump out her glass of wine. “I know this is not ideal, but…”

            “Not ideal?” Castiel did not mean to be angry. He wasn’t angry at her but at himself. How could he have let this happen? He did not have sex regularly before this. He did not think to consider things such as babies. “Not Ideal.”

            “Shit,” Piper slammed her hand against the counter. “I knew I should not have told you.”

            “What?” Castiel was brought back to reality for just a brief moment. This was bad but it was not worth lying. They did not lie to each other; that is what made them so great. “You considered not telling me?”

            “I knew that you were not going to like it,” Castiel could see that she was on the verge of tears. He moved forward, quickly taking her into his arms. He hated it when she cried. It was worse when she was crying because of something he said or did. “Having a baby is not easy, you know? I knew you would not want this.”

            “Do you want this?” Castiel suddenly felt like he did not know Piper as well as he thought. Did she want children? Had she thought about children with him? Children were something that most people wanted. Of course, she wanted children.

            “I mean, I was shocked,” Piper spoke against Castiel’s chest, since he was still holding her against him. “But that more I think about it. I understand if you are not ready for a baby.”

            “Piper,” Castiel pulled back, just enough to make eye contact with her. “This is, it’s not like that.”

            “Then what is it like?” He could tell that she was getting angry and realized just how human all of this was. “You either want this or you don’t.”

            “This is beyond forbidden,” Castiel felt tears welling up in his eyes. He had tried not to let them show but he was terrified, and not just of what this all meant. “This is … they could…”

            Castiel thought back to what had happened only a little over a year ago. He had helped to murder a girl who was born to both and angel and a human. They had used her to close off heaven and the angels fell. Not only was it forbidden before that moment to create a child with a human, it was the greatest offense of heaven now. It could destroy heaven. The angels would not allow for this to happen. They would come for them for sure.

            “Who is they?” Piper asked but soon realized the answer to her own question. “I didn’t even think about … oh god.”

            “I won’t let them hurt you,” Castiel promised, pulling her back into his arms. “I will not let them hurt you. I promise Piper, I won’t let them.”

            “What about the baby?” She sobbed out her question and Castiel could not help but cry with her.

            “I …” Could Castiel promise the safety of their unborn child? Could he even promise to protect her from whatever was to come? Would he be alive long enough to even try? “I will do everything that I can to make sure that no harm comes to the baby.”

            “We could,” Piper began but couldn’t even finish her sentence. She didn’t need to; Castiel knew exactly what she was going to say and he was not going to let her get that far. He may not be human but even he could understand how he thought was not even an option. It would be too much to ask of her, or him for that matter.

            “No,” Castiel shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around her. “We are keeping this baby. And I promise, I will do everything in my power to protect both of you.”

            Piper cried in his arms for the remainder of that night. He had to tell her over and over again that their decision to keep the baby was the right one, even though he was not sure that it was the right choice. This was forbidden, far beyond the laws he was breaking just being with a human. They could punish them both with death and the death of their unborn child. Was having this baby worth the risk of both their lives?

            Castiel felt horrible for the thoughts that followed. As Piper laid against his chest, finally asleep, he worked through all his possible options. He could leave. If he was not around, the chance of his brothers and sisters finding out about the baby would be less. Or, and he hated himself for thinking it, he could get rid of the child himself. If he made it look like an accident, losing it would not be as hard as if they were to lose the child after it was born.

            _I am sorry Father._ Castiel thought this words over and over again. He had broken a rule and he could never be forgiven. He knew the angels would not accept his apologies; He was not even sure his Father could hear his apologies at this point. Whether or not his Father was out there listening was a mystery to them all. Castiel just hoped that, if he were watching, he will let them live their lives in peace and not let any harm come their way. _I really pray you are listening Father._


	12. Never Easy Decisions

            Castiel continued to hide the dangers from Piper. She knew that this was risky but just how risky it was, he could not tell her. He had to learn how to hide his emotions from her once again and he hated it. He was lying to her daily, every time he smiled and told her that everything was going to be alright. Her smile was worth the lies. If, for now, he could keep her happy and healthy, that was the best that he could do at protecting her and their daughter.

            A daughter. Of all the things Castiel imagined him having in life, a daughter was not one of them. He had pictured possibly finding a place where he could belong. A shadow that he could enjoy hiding in and watching the world, content to just exist with the humans. He expected a life of loneliness. But here he was, in love with a human, and soon to be the father of a little girl.

            Piper did not know they were having a girl. Though it was against what he told himself he would do, he found himself reading her more and more lately. It was not meant to be invasive of her privacy, he just wanted to keep an eye on the baby. He knew that it was a birth that could occur, but he did not know how it worked. He needed to make sure that both Piper and his daughter were healthy. Along the way, he had read her thoughts about wanting to keep the sex a secret until the day the baby was born. So, even though Castiel knew, he did not tell her of their daughter. Their healthy daughter at that.

            “I am ready for this baby to be here,” Piper all but crawled her way into the living room and sat herself down on the couch.

            Though she was excited to be having this baby, she hated being pregnant. She complained about not having control over her emotions or the things that she wanted. Like lately, every little thing made her turn into a blubbering mess, her words not Castiel’s, and she was craving red meat. She was not against red meat, but normally she did not eat it in such excess. Castiel was fine with this craving though, it meant he had more excuses to eat cheeseburgers. He loved cheeseburgers.

            “The baby will be here soon,” Castiel worked to make her a cup a tea, another thing that she hated. Castiel had read that it was the best thing for the baby. He was sure that a cup of coffee was not going to hurt her but you could never be too careful. He promised to protect their daughter and if that meant cutting Piper off coffee and having her hate him for ten minutes every morning, then that is what he needed to do.

            “You hear that angel?” Piper ran her hand along her stomach and smiled. “Daddy says you are going to be here soon. He is such a liar, yes he is.”

            Castiel laughed at her hurtful baby talk. Something about saying mean things seemed so much sweeter when you said it as if you were talking to a child.

            “You are more than halfway there,” Castiel reminded her. Per his calculations, she was currently twenty-one weeks and three days pregnant.

            “How is that clo…” Piper went to argue with him and then stopped. “Come here.”

            “What?”

            “I said,” Piper looked up at him and waved her hand, motioning for him to join her on the couch. “Come here.”

            Castiel grabbed the cup of tea and quickly made his way over to the couch. He set the tea down on the coffee table and sat down beside her, quick to scan over her. He was not sure if something was wrong or not, he could not tell by her presentation of herself. When he had looked over her this morning, she had been in perfect health. A slight cough seemed to be starting in her lungs, but he healed that as quickly as he found it.

            “What’s wrong?” He asked quickly, placing his hand on top of her thigh.

            “Nothing is wrong,” She smiled over at him.

            Piper reached down and grabbed his hand, pulling it away from her thigh and setting it onto her stomach. He was not sure what it was that she was doing. Was there something wrong with the … and there it was.

            “Was that?” Castiel felt his eyes grow wide as another pulse hit his fingers.

            “That’s our baby,” Piper leaned forward and captured his lips quickly with her own. “Say hi to daddy, angel.”

            There was another kick.

            “Oh.” That was the only thing that Castiel could find to say. He had never in all of his existence felt anything like this. It took over his entire being. It felt like being on fire but enjoying being on fire. Was that even possible? Could one enjoy being on fire?

            “I have been waiting for this,” Piper looked beside herself with happiness. “I have been feeling the kicks on the inside for weeks now. But this is what I have been waiting for. Now you get to feel our baby too, know that he or she is alive and healthy.”

            “I already knew that,” Castiel informed her, though that was not really the point that she was making.

            “I know,” she rolled her eyes at him. “You could sense our baby but now … now you can feel the baby, our baby.”

            If a kick could tell you the kind of person your child was going to be, Castiel knew one thing. His daughter was not only going to be strong, she was going to be breathtaking. He found himself unable to pull his hand away. Sure, he had been close with people, especially Piper, but never had he imagined feeling this connected to another being. But she was him, at least, she was half of him. Though it had been there before, this was the first moment he knew that he was going to fight with everything in him. He would protect his daughter from anything, if that was all he ever did.

            “Soccer player,” Piper pulled Castiel’s attention to her and he cocked his head to the side.

            “What?” Castiel was genuinely confused.

            “Baby is a good kicker,” Piper laughed. “I am putting my money on baby being a soccer player.”

            “Soccer player,” Castiel contemplated these words, nodding his head and smiling. “I like that.”


End file.
